Goodbyes
by SparkleNinja
Summary: Ianto has always hated goodbyes, and now he has to say goodbye to someone he never expected to leave. T for safety
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I think this is kinda my first more serious piece. I was going to end it all fluffy and lovey-dovey, but this is where it ended up. Seems the plot bunnies were feeling a little down today **** :P**

The rain continued to pour, the clouds casting dark shadows all over the hushed street. No-one was out and nothing moved except for the torrents of rain running into the gutter. Two men ran out into the street. The man in front was wearing a blue army coat. He wasn't leading the man behind him, he was walking away. The man behind was younger, dressed in only a dark purple shirt and black pants. Within minutes the pair were soaked to the skin.

"Jack wait!" called the younger of the two, holding out an arm in front of him, as though to grab him despite the distance between them.

"No." The man in front swung around to face the man on his tail. His face was scrunched up against the rain, but his emotions were clear. Determination shone through the grief and the shadows of pain in his eyes. He clenched his jaw, forced himself to say it, "No Ianto. You stop. This is it. That's enough. Stop."

Ianto did indeed stop, froze in his tracks. His arm fell slowly to his side as he watched his lover, uncertainty plain on his face. He stood and he waited.

Jack however could not stay still. He paced back and forth like a caged lion, before letting out an exasperated laugh. He swung round until he stood before Ianto, only a few feet between them.

"It's stupid Ianto. We have to stop this. We should have known how this was going to go, but no, of course we couldn't see where it was going. It's never that easy is it?" His voice was getting louder as he shouted the question to the heavens. He'd had it; he didn't want to know anymore. "Come on Ianto, we knew all of this! But of course, I had to be blinded. It's this bloody planet! This wretched century! Everything always has to be so –" he let out a frustrated roar.

Ianto looked taken aback by the display of rage, but never left that spot. He watched Jack's outburst in silence, not making a sound, just listening. Once the shouting ceased he took a step forward, an arm outstretched to hold his lover, softly murmuring the word "Jack."

But Jack jerked away violently. He swiftly moved away, out of Ianto's reach, as though the thought of his touch repulsed him.

This hurt more than any of the things he'd said all night. Ianto shook his head slowly, at first to clear his thoughts, but then in denial. This man before him was Captain Jack Harkness. _His_ Captain Jack Harkness. The man he spent so much of his time with. The man he worked with, saving the planet from outside threats every day. The man he cared for. The man he wanted to spend the rest of his days with. The man he... loved.

And here he was, not even able to touch him.

"Jack," he said brokenly, hoping he hadn't heard the tremor in his voice, "Please, don't do this. We can work through this. I don't want to lose you. We need you... I need you. Please Jack, please."

Jack watched the young man before him. He'd been forced to act beyond his years at Torchwood. His hair was plastered to his head, his shirt soaked through, moulding itself to his chest. He stared, stared into those big blue eyes, his Ianto. He shook his head at the thought. _Not mine anymore_.

Ianto took the movement as a rejection. His face fell. All the pain and the anguish, the hurt and the suffering, the love and the loss, all came pouring out at once. His calm, emotionless facade had been broken. No, it hadn't been broken; it had been ripped off and torn to shreds. The one coherent thought that travelled through his mind was, _and now I'm alone._

All that was left now was complete desolation. Alone. Again. Everyone he loved left him eventually. Nobody really cared for him. But that didn't seem to matter to Ianto Jones. He still cared for them; He just didn't know how to stop himself. There was nothing he could really do about that.

And now, once again it seemed it was goodbye. Ianto hated goodbyes. They always hurt. Always.

"But I love you." He whispered into the wind.

Despite his low voice Jack heard exactly what he'd said. The Captain threw his hands to his head and tugged on his hair, anger and frustration building too sudden and quick.

"And that's the problem!" he roared.

Ianto froze, shock rolling off him in waves, numb.

_No, no..._

"For God's sake Ianto! Don't you see? Can't you see? That is exactly why I have to go! This wasn't supposed to happen!"

Ianto could hear him. Crystal clear. He just didn't _want_ to hear it. Too much. _No_. His head was pounding, his limbs were shaking, his heart was breaking. _Saw it coming._ There was a voice in his head, one that told him he should have expected this. _I'm damaged goods, _It said, _who would ever want to be with me?_ His sight began to blur as the tears forced their way out and streaming down his cheeks mixed with the rain running down his face, a cool contrast to his burning cheeks.

Jack watched his usually cool, calm and sophisticated lover begin to unravel to at the seams. The mask had slipped and shattered, and now he could see the pain in his eyes shining brightly.

"Goodbye Ianto," Jack turned and walked away, leaving the broken Welshman to cry in the rain.

He fell to his knees, unable to hold himself up any longer. The shock was still there, but so was the pain. The sharp, agonising, excruciating pain. He felt his heart had been ripped from his chest, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He stayed kneeling in the street, the water continuing to steadily drip down his face.

It was like this that Tosh and Owen found him twenty minutes later, due to a phone call from their boss only moments before, with a towel and a pair of arms to pull him up and steer him back towards the flat.

**What do you think? Thoughts? Opinions? Concrit is appreciated, but flames are only used to toast marshmallows :D**

**Pure interest, any ideas on what happened beforehand to set this off? I like hearing your ideas **

**I'm thinking of carrying it on, if enough people like the idea **** So I'd love to hear your opinions. **

**Thankyou dudes! XD**

**SparkleNinja xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone! Thanks so much for the support you've shown **

**Thanks to those you favourited and alterted. But I'd like to give a special HUGE thanks to those who reviewed **** It's you guys that spur me on! So thankoos vair much, and enjoy. This is for you...**

Goodbyes – 2nd Chapter

It had been three days since he'd been left in the rain. Three days since his heart had been ripped out. Three days he had been holed up in his flat, refusing to leave. Within these days he reached rock bottom, but he kept reminding himself, it wasn't like when Lisa died. It wasn't that bad, it wasn't the _same_. And that's what he reminded himself when he stared at the same spot of wall for hours at a time.

It was near the end of the third day when Ianto realised how pathetic he was acting. He was walking past the bathroom when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror above the sink. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and puffy and there was the beginning of a beard growing on his chin. He rubbed a hand down his cheek, and stared into the eyes of his reflection.

He was acting like a teenage girl for God's sake, moping around the house in his pyjamas all day. Enough was enough.

So he showered, shaved and put on some clean jeans and a casual shirt. He then braced himself to do something he should have done days ago. Ring Tosh.

"Hello?"

He was hesitant to reply, scared of how she would react after he'd turned her away so harshly the day after He left.

"...Hey Tosh..."

"Ianto?"

"Yeah, erm, I was wondering if you could come over? Please?"

There was a brief pause.

"Of course, I'll be right over."

True to her word she turned up at his doorstep ten minutes later. She looked him up and down judgingly, apparently happy enough with what she saw, and walked into the flat.

Ianto couldn't help but smile, it was nice to see Tosh like this. She was a lot quieter and more reserved in the Hub, so it was refreshing to see her so relaxed in his home. They sat together and talked for hours. It felt good to have someone to talk to, even though he wanted to avoid a lot of the topics. Finally Tosh brought up the issue he'd been waiting for.

"How are you feeling Ianto?"

Ianto sighed deeply, "I'm fine Tosh,"

Tosh fixed him with a glare that said she didn't believe him for a second. But she let it slide, this time. The conversation skimmed over various other topics, such as shows on TV, a film they both wanted to see, the new book Tosh had bought last week, junk that flew through the Rift, and eventually the rest of the team.

"Owen's been so grumpy the last few weeks. I'm not sure how much longer Gwen can go before she attempts to strangle him... again..."

Ianto laughed along at the stories of Torchwood's latest mishaps, but he was ever thankful that Tosh avoided talking about the one man he wished to forget. However it was only a matter of time before Ianto's morbid curiosity took hold.

"So..." he started casually, avoiding his co-worker's eyes, "How is he?"

He missed the look she gave him, which he was glad of because he knew it would be full of the pity he didn't want. He was almost regretting asking the question, when she took a breath.

"Well," she seemed to think her words over carefully, "He's... quite temperamental to be honest with you. He's acting a lot stricter than usual, he even shouted at Gwen yesterday! She looked more shocked than we did." She considered him for a moment, watching his expression closely as she spoke, "He's been drinking more, going out to the pub every night. But other than that he's acting the same as always."

Ianto nodded, taking in the information and thinking it through. So he didn't miss him then? He was being totally honest when he broke up with him, he really didn't want any of it. Huh. It took Ianto a moment to realise his face had crumpled and that his lip was quivering. Turns out he'd been holding onto the hope that Jack did really want him. Subconsciously, he must have hoped that he had just needed some time apart. Turns out that wasn't true. Jack was mad, mad that Ianto wasn't turning up probably. But to be perfectly honest, he really didn't care. The Captain could throw a hissy fit as much as he liked, but Ianto would only return to the Hub when _he_ chose to.

Tosh, who had seen the pain on her best friend's face, smiled sadly, "I'll ask you again Ianto, how are you? Really?"

He snorted and shook his head in defeat, "I'm just so tired Tosh. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I've been living off of my coffee, and I'm pretty sure I'm ready to collapse," he raised his big shining eyes to her and whispered, "I want to come back to work Tosh, I really do. But I'm afraid to see him again."

"Oh Ianto," she pulled the young man into a warm embrace, holding his head against her shoulder.

He allowed himself to be pulled against her, and slowly closed his eyes, relaxing into the comforting embrace. This is what he needed, what he missed.

"Ianto, I know that you're scared, but hiding away won't help will it? We need to bite the bullet, and get you back in with us. Forget about Jack, think about us, the rest of the team. What about Myfanwy? She misses you. We all do, Ianto. We need you. We always have, and we always will."

Ianto gave a small smile. Though he wouldn't admit it, it was _nice_ to be needed.

"Okay Tosh," he sat up and straightened himself up, "I'm coming back. Jack or no Jack."

Tosh grinned and clapped her hands together, "Great Ianto."

The grin was contagious, and soon the pair were beaming, discussing anything that popped into mind.

It was only later that night, once Tosh had left and once Ianto was getting into bed, that he realised that this meant he would have to confront Jack Harkness. In only a few hours he would have to act as though nothing had happened between them. After all, Ianto was nothing if not professional. He would put on his mask and act like the loyal butler he was, nothing more. And Jack would just have to do the same.

**Okay guys, this is when it starts to get fun. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter. And I've got a few ideas floating around to challenge our boys. **

**And yes... John Hart will be making an appearance! Prepare yourselves :D**

**Cool, so review guys! And the next update shouldn't be too long **

**SparkleNinja xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! Wahey! Another one done! I know it's been a while, but I'm going to blame that in my AS Levels :D It is a valid excuse! Haha, anywho another chapter to keep you all happy **

**Massive hugs to those who reviewed alerted and favourited Cheers Chucks!**

**Okiday, and here we go!**

**Goodbyes – Chapter 3**

The following morning the sleepy Welshman woke to the sound of his alarm clock buzzing frantically. With a groan, he pushed himself out of bed to prepare for the trying day he knew was to come.

To be honest Ianto had been surprised he's managed to sleep at all last night, but he guessed that there was only so much worrying you could do before you exhausted yourself.

After a long relaxing shower, he headed to his bedroom to pick out his suit for the day. Opening his wardrobe, staring into the mass of shirts and suits, he began to tense up again. _What a waste of a shower._ His breathing quickened, his chest heaving as panic ran through his mind. He slowly backed toward his bed, perching on the edge, taking a few deeps breaths.

_Breathe Ianto! _He berated himself sharply, _pull yourself together!_

A few moments passed before he gathered himself together and went back to the wardrobe. He thought back to Tosh's plan and frowned. They had agreed last night that he should ignore Jack, and not even give him the time of day. To show that he didn't care (although that was pretty far from the truth... Jack didn't need to know that) and to show the Captain what he was missing.

The more he thought about it, the more the grin grew as he pulled out his favourite red shirt. It just so happened that it was Jack's favourite shirt too. What a coincidence.

He dressed quickly and made himself a cup of coffee, deciding that he was too nervous to eat anything. He'd just have to make up for it at lunch, assuming that he felt better by then. Leaning against the kitchen worktop he held the coffee to his chest, cradling the warmth. He was ready in record time, but wanted to hang back a bit and get to work the same time as Tosh or Gwen. That way it would be like having moral support, even though Gwen probably didn't know he was coming back.

It was then that he started to worry about how everyone would react to the change in their relationship. Gwen, who was usually so predictable, would react one of two ways, probably. She would either fuss around him like a mother hen, or, she would side with Jack because of her little crush. Though, the more he thought about it, the more he doubted it, because over the last few months Gwen had spent a lot more time with Rhys, which had made them stronger and closer as a couple. And, if he really thought about it, she hadn't been making as many passes at Jack as she used to. So maybe she'd moved on from her crush? That would be nice.

And Owen... Gawd only knew how Owen would react. The only reaction Ianto could actually imagine was Owen ridiculing him at every possible moment, pointing out that he really had only been a part-time shag. That wouldn't make things any easier would it? But he hadn't been too awful when he and Tosh had brought Ianto home after the fight. Mostly he just stayed out of the way, so maybe he wouldn't be too bad?

Looking up at the clock he saw that it was late enough now. Tosh would already be in by now, and Gwen would be well on her way if not there already. Within fifteen minutes he was stood outside the tourist centre staring resolutely at the door, trying to stop himself from glancing up at the camera, knowing that he was being watched. Bracing himself he straightened out his suit and marched into the tourist centre.

Inside of the Hub, Tosh was sat behind her desk tapping away, but all the while sending surreptitious glances first towards Jack's office, and then to the entrance. It was long past eight, so Gwen was already in, just wandering around finishing up the odd bits and bats. And any second now Owen would saunter in, snarky and hung-over as usual. And true to her word, less than a moment later the alarms went off and Owen marched in with a sour look on his face. He waved a hand in her and Gwen's general direction before grumbling off to the Med Bay. Tosh held back a sigh. Ianto still wasn't in. And Jack was yet to make an appearance. She knew he was sat in his office, but he wouldn't surface until one of them went out to buy the first coffee of the day.

_Come on Ianto,_ she urged silently, returning to her computer screen hoping he wouldn't be long now.

Only a moment later the alarm went off as the cog door rolled forward revealing our smartly dressed Welshman. He was hiding the nerves particularly well; to say that his hands were shaking and all he could do was silently repeat his mantra over and over again: "Oh God. Oh God. Don't look up. Don't look- Oh God..."

Tosh was the first to notice him arrive, sending him a reassuring smile from over the top of her computer screen. He nodded and returned the gesture with a tight smile of his own. With his blank mask in place even Tosh struggled to see signs that he was panicking, it was only the clenching of his fists that gave it away.

He turned and headed towards his personal haven, the kitchen. As he marched through the Hub, Gwen called out a greeting and even Owen managed to shout some kind of abuse at him. Ianto sighed; at least everything was going the same as usual so far.

Once he'd reached his beloved coffee machine, he took a long deep breath. The rich aroma was more than enough to smooth out his frazzled nerves. A smile spread across his face as he realised that everything was the same as when he left it. Thank God for small mercies. There wasn't even a single mug left in the sink, or pizza boxes piled on top of the counters.

Slowly though, this made Ianto wonder. The fact that it was so clean started to strike him as odd, why was it this... immaculate? They must have eaten while he was away. There's no way Owen could have lasted more than a few hours without food.

"Oi! Teaboy!" came a shout from the autopsy bay. Three guesses who. "Where's our bloody coffee? I'm dying over here!"

He smiled; it was hard to believe he'd missed that. Shrugging and deciding to face the mysterious cleanliness later he made a start on booting up his much-loved machine. Minutes later he was heading out to his teammates with a tray holding four steaming cups of coffee. He dropped Owen's off first, realising this would be his best bet to shut him up for a while.

Owen turned round when he heard the Welshman approaching ready to spit out some kind of insult, only to fall silent as his eyes to land on the tray in front of him. Ianto held the mug out, trying to hide the smirk he could feel creeping onto his face at the Londoner's dumb silence.

Owen all but snatched the cup out of his hand and took a hurried slurp. Ianto left to go deliver the rest of the drinks to the caffeine-deprived group, but he definitely heard a strangled moan coming from Owen's direction.

The girls were slightly more dignified in their responses; Gwen held her cup close to her chest embracing the heat as she cradled it tightly, and Tosh simply sat inhaling the aroma, savouring the smell before she tasted.

"Oh thank you love," smiled Gwen, "this is exactly what we needed. I don't know how we've managed without you."

Ianto nodded, accepting the gratitude, "what've you been doing for coffee then? I can't imagine you all just going without."

She laughed, "No of course not, we had to go to a local cafe. Nothing compared to yours though Ianto."

Tosh sent a pointed look towards the remaining mug on the tray, looking back up at Ianto to gauge his reaction. He sent her a discreet smile and rolled her eyes as if to say "_It has to be done"._ She smiled at him, putting a comforting hand on his arm.

"Right," said Ianto, trying to gather himself," I have to go give this to Jack. Don't want it going cold."

Gwen just nodded and went on with her work. Tosh gave him a reassuring look, "I'll see you later then Ianto," which meant _"You __**will**__ see me later, and we __**will **__talk."_

Ianto just nodded, and headed towards the Captain's office. All too soon he was stood in front of his door, urging himself not to hesitate and just get on with it. He knocked lightly, and heard a booming "Come in!" from the Captain within.

Steeling himself and taking another deep breath (it must have been the tenth of the day so far), he pushed open the door and quickly looked up. Jack was sat behind his desk, surrounded by mounds of papers not paying him the slightest bit of attention.

He waited, unsure of what to do with himself.

He thought it best to declare his presence with a calm and clear "Coffee, Sir."

Jack only spared him a short glance before returning to his paperwork.

"Thanks Ianto."

Ianto placed the cup on his desk and stepped back towards the door. Then his mind started whirring at a hundred miles an hour. The hurt and frustration started to rear its ugly head again. Was that it? He'd been gone for days, crying his heart out over this very man, and all he had to say was "Thanks"? He nearly snorted, fuming at the unfairness of his situation. He didn't know what he wanted. Would he rather Jack had shouted and screamed? Or did he want him to cry and beg for him to come back to him? Sure he'd like that, but in truth he wasn't sure what he'd expected. But it definitely wasn't this. This blank, cold reception, this... this... complete lack of reaction! Where was the emotion? Whether positive or not, all he wanted was a Goddamn reaction! Why couldn't Jack Bloody Harkness just act like any other bloody human in the world?

A small part of his mind whispered _because he's not like any other person in the world. He's one of a kind, whether you like it or not._

As the injustice of it all rose up and threatened to swallow him whole, Ianto swept from the office, holding back the tears. Why on earth was he crying now? _Oh right, angry tears, _he actually did snort this time,_ just what I bloody need._

He practically ran past Gwen, and Tosh, and didn't stop until he was out of sight. Then he kept up a swift pace as he hid himself away in the safe encloses of the archives. This was the one place he could hide, and no one would be able to find him. He knew this place like the back of his hand, and he also knew that not all of the rooms had cameras in. That meant he was able to vent in peace. No one would be able to find him. No one...But, who would even bother to look for him? Who really cared that much?

...

...

...

Exactly.

**Poor lonely Ianto I think out Welshman needs a group hug! *HUGGLE* There we go **

**I know, there was no John, but I'm hoping to bring him into it in the next few chapters **

**As always keep on reviewing! It keeps me motivated :D**

**Oh and have an awesome Easter, and eat lots and lots of chocolate :D I know I will :P**

**Love SparkleNinja**

**xxx**


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